Essay On Why People Attend College Or University

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#1 (permalink) Sun Dec 08, 2013 14:37 pm   Why do people attend college/university? 

Dear Luschen,
This is actually my first attempts to write essay in a TOEFL format, and I really appreciate your efforts and kindness to help me.
Thanks a lot.

Question: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for
example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific
reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays young people, and even others who are not so young, according to things that exist in modern society; attend to go to college or university to have academic education or even just to have academic degree. I think this is due to following reasons.

First of all with this experience they can achieve sufficient skills to have more better jobs, life and actually so better future. In other words they can earn professional knowledge which can help them to make better future. For example academic education rather than other positions can help us to find appropriate job which we have studied and we have earned professional experience about it.

Moreover because of different conditions that exist in our society we have to have education at college or university. Actually if we don’t have academic education we are not able to earn or have appropriate situation in society. In other words the environment which we live in it, has variety number of forces on our life; to have academic education at college or university. For example a person who have degree from collage undoubtedly have better prestige in society rather than one who don’t have such degree.

As a result as we can see, if we don’t have academic education actually we don’t have so fantastic and calm life, it can due to above reasons which I mention them and surely a lot of reasons which exist in society and they force us to have pay enough attention to this matter.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and an employee in the university registrar's office
Pama
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Joined: 25 Nov 2013
Posts: 15

#2 (permalink) Mon Dec 09, 2013 0:08 am   Why do people attend college/university? 

TITLE EDITED.
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#3 (permalink) Mon Dec 09, 2013 5:31 am   Re: Why do people attend college/university? 

Hi Pama, welcome to the forum. I think your essay is not too bad. You have addressed the prompt correctly and have included some good reasons. Still, quite a bit of your writing is confusing to me - I think adding some more specific examples might help make your points more clear. You don't have that many grammatical errors, but you have quite a few sentences that sound awkward and whose meaning is not that clear. Overall, I would rate this a 3 out of 5.

Pama wrote:
Dear Luschen,
This is actually my first attempts to write essay in a TOEFL format, and I really appreciate your efforts and kindness to help me.
Thanks a lot.

Question: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for
example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific
reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays young people, and even others who are not so young, according to things that exist in modern society{this "according to" phrase is unclear to me here} ; attend college or university [in order] to [get an] academic education or even just to have [an] academic degree. I think this is due to following reasons. {I would include a brief summary of the reasons here}

First of all[,] with this experience they can achieve sufficient skills to have better jobs, life and [so] actually [a] better future. In other words they can earn professional knowledge {you don't really "earn" knowledge - you get or obtain it} which can help them to [have a] better future. For example[,] academic education rather than other positions {what do you mean by "other positions" here} can help us to find [an] appropriate job [for] which we have studied and have earned professional experience {you don't really "earn" experience} about it.

Moreover because of different conditions that exist in our society[,] we have to have education at college or university. {this is a bit vague to me - what do you mean?} Actually if we don’t{avoid contractions in TOEFL essays} have [an] academic education we are not able to earn or have [an] appropriate situation {"situation" sounds a little odd here} in society. In other words[,] the environment which we live in has various] of forces on our life; to have academic education at college or university. {this last phrase does not really fit here} For example[,] a person who ha[s a] degree from collage undoubtedly ha[s [ better prestige in society [compared to] one who do[es not] have such [a] degree.

As a result[,] as we can see, if we don’t have [an] academic education actually we don’t have s[uch ] fantastic and calm li[ves],{these actually seem opposite characteristics to me} it can due to [the] above reasons which I mention them and surely a lot of reasons which exist in society and they force us to have pay enough attention to this matter.{this sentence sounds very awkward and a little unclear}{this does not really seem like a conclusion paragraph - maybe add a more typical transition like "in conclusion"}

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and an employee in the university registrar's office
Luschen
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Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8641
Location: Nashville TN, USA
#4 (permalink) Mon Dec 09, 2013 16:52 pm   Why do people attend college/university? 

Dear Luschen,
I'm really glad to see your kind response, that's really your kindness, thanks a lot.
Do you think my mistakes could be due to the limited time (30 minute) for writing?
Thanks again for your kind help.

Sincerely,
Pama
Pama
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 25 Nov 2013
Posts: 15

#5 (permalink) Wed Dec 11, 2013 4:48 am   Why do people attend college/university? 

Of course, writing under a time constraint is very challenging, so that could cause some of your mistakes, but other errors seem to be more from problems with your vocabulary and sentence construction. I think reading as many articles and essays you can is a good idea for any learner, as well as writing regularly.
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8641
Location: Nashville TN, USA
#6 (permalink) Wed Dec 11, 2013 10:33 am   Why do people attend college/university? 

OK, thanks again dear Luschen you are truly a great man.
I'll do my best to correct errors.

Sincerely,
Pama
Pama
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 25 Nov 2013
Posts: 15

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Reasons for people to attend college or university are enormous and depend on one’s attitudes. But the three most important ones that make people choose college or university as the gate to their future are job opportunities, increased knowledge and essential skills preparation for future life.

First and foremost, I think the most important reason is that people can get a good job if they have a certificate, especially the one of famous college or university. Practically, the final purpose after a long process of study for almost people is to improve their life by getting good job. What proves that point of view, obviously, is the fact that most of certificates are used to support job application.

Second, this maybe the last chance for people to study in such an academic environment where professor teach them plenty of knowledge in may aspects; as a rule, they try their best to collect as good as possible in the subject the like. This also helps them to gain an abundant knowledge for future life.

Last but not least, people want to prepare a certain skills which cannot lack in the developed society namely competitive experience, group work… Those skills will be efficient weapons for them to compete with others in order to get the job they want.
Beside this, people who tend to apply what they learned in college or university choose the best way to reach success. What is more, this the chance for people to live apart from their family; consequently, they can develop their independent characteristics.

In a word, all people are encouraged to attend college or university. The more people attend college or university, the more develop society is. As long as background knowledge and experience decide one’s job opportunities, people who attend college or university are constructing their future by the best materials.
Look over the highlighted places:)

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